As much as I do admire some there on my sidebar who are able to live a D/s lifestyle 24/7 with their partners it is not my life. My husband is kinky, naughty, fun, wonderful... but not my submissive. He will serve me out of care and love, but not in a submissive way. We may enjoy a bit of bondage, the occasional spanking and he is always willing to let me test my new toys on his cute ass, but has no real concept of sub space, will never be into humiliation play, or any of the more edgy stuff I may want to experience. Our life daily is loving, caring and primarily vanilla with a bit of a caramel swirl and a few candy sprinkles (to abuse the metaphor to its sweetest).
So when I moved from just sharing with people online to real life that, as you can imagine, was a major transition for both of us.
When I first began exploring all that I might desire it started with erotica, reading and writing. Then I joined a website where you chatted with people. Didn't really love that as it all seemed about cyber sex and that just didn't do much for me. So I found another site where I would post tasks for submissives who were also part of the site to do and report on. I found this interaction stimulating and certainly inspiring. The give and take, the exchange was significant. Some were disappointing, but many people and experiences I shared with in this way were wonderful. It was about this time that I began this blog.
In sharing at the tasking site I did make some real and wonderful friends and with several I began interacting via IM. This led to four significant online D/s relationships. And if you are so inclined you can go back and read some of my older posts and see the structure of them. Although I do have to say, I do not kiss and tell all of what I share. I tend to tease you a bit with this and that. Writing often in third person that allows a bit of the fantasy aspect of these posts to twist around you as you read. As is true often with any relationship there is always change, and online is no different. Some of these relationships have ended, some have transformed, but all were wonderful for what they were, when they were.
But these relationship, the exchanges, the emotions, the passion were and are very real. This is just not the exchange of fantasy, but submission in a real and tangible way. The Internet as it has evolved has allowed for all new ways to communicate and share. With IM chat, with cameras, with voice chat, emailed instructions, online journaling. You can touch a mind in so many sexy ways. And my directions being executed even thousands of miles away is still a powerful erotic thing. The submission I am offered, the pain that is endured, the sharing of desires... all of it is wonderful.
But I always knew I wanted more. And Hubby and I up to that point had discussed and shared all of this. And one day someone pointed me to a social networking website FetLife . And I dove in deep into that pool. And it was only a matter of a couple months before someone posted about having a group get together (also called a munch) local. And deeper I dove, dragging my very good natured Hubby along with me. And the surprise of that first meeting... these were nice people. Only four of us at that first meeting. But we sat in the small local bar and shared stories and experiences (or in my case lack of experiences) and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. And after that, meeting more people. And then more. And then, actual play with people who had a wealth of experience and willingness to share. And friendships and more friendships and all sorts of naughty, floggers and whips, paddles and canes, electricity, foot worship, spanking benches and crosses, clubs and private homes, and the wax, and the needles. I have tried and experienced and gone with flow whatever that might be. Each step of the way, Hubby and I talk. We decided what will be okay for us and for our marriage.
Many of you may find this hard to believe, but somehow he is more comfortable with me sharing with a female rather than a male. Gloves, that is where we are at now with the whole sharing with a boy issue. If I am going to play with a boy, and I am, have, will, do, Hubby has asked that I wear gloves. This is a symbolic gesture that I can certainly comply with, the theory being that my hands should only touch him. Some reason the gloves aren't necessary when I stroke a girl's pretty ass. Oh, and no penetrative sex with a male... either way, giving or receiving. That is another one that he has asked of me. And I will respect that request.
It is forever evolving and such an interesting time in our lives. While Hubby isn't always the most talkative man, he will share his feelings with me honestly. Our communication is always honest and open. And what he does say, I listen to. That is so vitally important in any relationship, but when exploring outside the "norm" the need does seem to grow exponentially.
Do I want more? Well sure, I am greedy and dominant. I read some of the blogs and feel acute envy at not being able to have a submissive in all the ways I desire. But, having a happy, healthy relationship with Hubby is more important than anything else. We all make compromises. I am honest with those I do share in a BDSM way with about the limitations I have and on what I can offer. We all make choices, and I allow anyone I might play with, have a relationship with know exactly what their choices are with me.
And so, this Saturday, I will wear gloves when spanking his cute ass.
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