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Let's Talk...

I am interested in talking to you. What excites you? What is on your mind? I would love to know and share. Do you have a question that you would like to discuss? Do you need to have someone understand your desires? Let us see what we have to talk about.

I will expect respect, though I am not to be feared.

So, off you go to - or call 949 999-5900 and do tell them Saffron sent you (it's my middle name). I am extension 611.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses...

Well, I believe in the soul. The cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. ~ Crash Davis


I adore Crash Davis and would do just about anything he asked if he talked to me like this.

I too believe.

Long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses...

There is that moment in a kiss. You move in, the butterflies have settled and then they stir up again. You feel a twist, no not in your cock or your pussy, but rather somewhere just above there. It is as if someone has hold of your insides and is squeezing just a little, or touching you with something electric. That feeling radiates out and down and up. Your breath catches, your legs go just a bit weak. Oh, my God. It is barely a moment before lips touch lips. But when it is good that moment is a lifetime as well. And then yes, lips touch lips and your head spins and you feel it all. Breath now.

Oh, to be with someone who knows how to kiss. There is an art to it. A good kisser, I have found from extensive research, will be good at many other areas of sexual bliss. For they are students of body language. A good kisser seems to be able to anticipate what you want, what you need and it is as if they are listening to all you are communicating with every twitch of a muscle, every sped up breath, every tiny moan that you let escape they tune in to all of it and adjust a thousand times per second. A really good kiss can make you dizzy with desire. A good kisser can give and recieve. They can let go and let you be in charge without giving up their own giving back. They can take charge and let you float in a sea of a thousand desires.

... that last three days.

I could kiss the right kisser for hours. Heavy petting, making out, first base, second base... home run. It is amazing how far a good kiss can get someone. Lean in slow, hold my eyes with your gaze, whisper something soft and sexy, just the moment before our lips meet close your eyes slowly, slowly... fucking slowly... until I move that last little bitty millimeter. My lips are soft, their lips are soft, together it is perfection. Just a little parted, open up just enough to tease. Tip of a tongue gentle, soft, tracing and touching where nerves are zinging along all the right pathways. Hand on the small of my back or the back of my head, holding, not pulling just enough pressure so I know you want this. You want me. Oh, and it is a powerful thing to be wanted.

And that kiss will last three days.

Tell me... what do you believe....

Thursday, February 26, 2009

HNT - Minimalist

Almost seemed like a Minimalist painting when I cropped it.
(or maybe quasi-cubist... hmmm... abstract...
well apologies to all real artist, but liked the artsy aspect of it.)
Happy HNT!


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Picnic...

I had considered it while I was in the shower as I had been dreaming of her all night. I wanted to see her, just her and I, and try and understand this growing attraction. I also wanted her sweet, "Yes Ma'am." to mean it. The steps were right there I just needed to move forward.

I asked her for her Master's phone number. He and I had talked about some of this perviously. He had shared with me that her and me becoming close and intimate was a good thing of which he approved. The friendship between the four of us was such an easy and natural thing. And when I talked to him it was a simple question, "I would like to take her to lunch, and I would like to ask a bit of her for the outing, will that be ok?" His yes made my heart beat nicely.

And so I can back to her on chat and told her what she would be doing this morning.

"I want you to come have lunch with me."
"I want you to pack us a lunch and bring a blanket and the lotion that smells pretty."
"I want you to wear a pretty colored bra and a white shirt."

She offered me a yes Ma'am to each of them. I could hear her sweet southern accent even in her texting on the screen.

"You will be here at noon. Park on the street, put the things in my car on the back seat and sit in the passenger seat. When you are there text me."

She again gave me a yes Ma'am. And I smiled sitting there at my desk.

"Oh, and I want one more thing. I want you to write five things you want me to know about you and bring that with you."

God, work just dragged by waiting for her text.

She is beyond sweet. Her smile brightens the day. I find it difficult not to simply lean over there in my car still sitting in my work parking lot and kiss her with passion. I want to strip her bare and touch every inch of her soft skin. I want to hurt her and then hold her close as she clings to me in space. I want her to tell me all her secrets as I need her in some primal way to trust me. There is a connection that sizzles, I can still feel it echoing over my skin right now.

All I really do there in my car with her sitting next to me is shift my car into drive and let one pinky finger gently brush against her knee there just below the hem of her shorts.

We are just two friends going to lunch. That is all you would see. Smiling, talking, just girlfriends happy to see each other and talk about the day. No big deal at all. The picnic lunch was delicious, but nothing naughty to see there.

We are more, a lot more. If you walked by the little blanket she laid on the grass under the tree I could imagine you would feel the electricity. If you knew that each choice she made about lunch was an act of service so beautiful, you would be jealous with the thought that having that offered is an amazing thing. Each simple act she gave me that morning was special. She remembered pickles. That is perfection.

And we talked, and she read me her list, and we talked. I wanted to lay her back and show her my passion. I had planned more for the outing... never got to the lotion or the pens in my pocket or the things I wanted to whisper in her ear. Instead I gave her all my attention. I listened to her. This is how it will work, I need to hear her fully so I can know her truly. And in knowing her I will know how it will work for us. We are not on an easy path. The boys must not be ignored. There are four of us in this relationship. There are two of us in this relationship. There are four of us in this relationship. We all weave together in an amazing way. He lays next to me now. He lays next to her now. And maybe tomorrow she will lay next to me. We weave together and it is beautiful as the patterns emerge.

I kiss her softly there under the tree there on the little blanket in the grass. I know I have taken her by surprise. She doesn't quite kiss me back yet, but her smile tells me what my heart already knows. There is so much more to come.

On her post on her blog she offered that this simple line to the end of her post ... to be continued...

I do absolutely love those three little words.

And so...

To be continued...

Monday, February 23, 2009

MFM - One Step at a Time

I stripped naked as she ordered, one piece of clothing after another folded neatly and placed behind me until I was shivering in the cool breeze. I knelt down as she ordered. I closed my eyes as she ordered. I felt the silk of the scarf cover them and then she tied it tightly behind my head. I put my hands behind my back as she ordered. I felt the second bit of silk wrapping around my wrists as she bound them together. I stood at her command and felt her hand laid gently against my lower back.

“Now, walk forward slowly, one step at a time and I want you to count to ten before you take another. Do not stop stepping forward until I tell you.” She said softly as she leaned just a bit against me. Her warm body was such a contrast against my cooling skin. My heart was racing, I could feel the blood pounding making my head feel light. My breath was coming faster. We had the conversation only last night about trust. I had said simply, that I trusted her completely. Then I had added to that and said I trusted her completely with my life. She had said simply that we would see.

I didn't even answer her order to take that first step, I didn't offer her the customary, “Yes, Mistress.” I simply began letting my actions speak. I took one step, counted to ten, took another step, counted to ten, and it was on the third step when I felt the cold ocean water on my feet. It took my breath away. I counted to ten and took another step.

Trusted her completely. Yes, we would see. With my life. Yes, we would see. And I took another step as she ordered.


Written for Microfantasy Monday #16 at the Sweltering Celt. This week's theme waterside.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Arts & Crafts

Wanted to get creative in a new way today. Saw a lot of great new toys this weekend and thought, maybe I could make something pretty for myself. A trip to the hardware and crafts store and several hours later and look... new toys. The yellow and black one even glows in the dark. No, I have no idea why I would ever need a glow in the dark cane, but I am prepared if the need arises.

Hubby likes the red one best. Just a little sting and leaves pretty stripes. I will just have to find someone else to let me really break in the others... volunteers?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Whip It

Yes, I know it is a terrible picture (hubby's camera on his cell phone in low light), but it is the only one I have and it is worth sharing for a reason. This is me last night. It is the first time I held a whip (yes, there is a whip there is my raised hand), and I made it crack with a sound that was at once a turn on and strangely powerful.

Dove allowed me the use of his beautiful self-crafted whip and he offered the patience to demonstrate (repeatedly) the technique for its use. I understand as with any skill hours of practice is required for proficiency and I will not be using one on any live person tomorrow. But I do have to say after a number of ineffectual swishes through the air and several more attempts on Dove's part to get my wrist and arm and body in sync the moment the tip cracked with a beautiful loud pop was a delight. It almost feels as if you are controlling some bit of something primeval, electricity or the air itself and that was a lovely rush.

And I didn't whip myself in the eye and end up as a pirate, or smack myself in the back of the head, or launch the thing into the big screen TV. And considering there were four men and one cute girl standing and sitting there commenting on nearly every swing, I think the chutzpah of me just trying should be applauded (okay, go ahead, give me a small clap... thank you!).

Hmmm... maybe I need a whip in my toybox, yellow and black braided leather perhaps. No, I don't know where or when or on whom I would use it, but I know you have lots of tools in your shed, just in case you need them for that one job. And just practicing with it would be fun.

A Dominant Woman Must...

At some point, a dominant woman must dominate, setting Her own expectations and ensuring that they are met.

This is a quote from man possessed in response to a question I asked on one of his recent posts. It really struck a resonating cord with me when I read it and at the risk of laying out delicate vulnerabilities of self-doubt (which I know is a significant aspect of blogging, but vulnerable is difficult) I will offer a bit of me here and my evening last night.

I wanted to take her hand and lead her away. I wanted intimate and quiet and just us for the start. But I couldn't bring myself to simply get up and do that, she was not mine no matter the permission offered. It wasn't a matter of nerve. More an issue of being rude to the rest of them there in the room in pursuit of pleasure with her, and despite the desire, courtesy said no. (Ok, even to me that sounds like a weak excuse). But maybe that was a mistake on my part. But I couldn't just toss manners out the window. But in hindsight maybe I should have. But I also was still unsure of it all and I wanted to know, I wanted her to make me believe that she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

A dominant woman must dominate. And so I perhaps should have taken what I wanted. But it seemed easier said than done. My fears. She didn't really want it, and she has to want it or it is meaningless for me. She wanted it one way, I another and the oil and water differences wouldn't mix. Oh, and maybe a dozen more little and big things. But articulation brings frustration and admitting to mistakes. I can only lay out so much honesty for your consumption before I am lost to the frustrations.

A dominant woman must set her own expectations. But what was I expecting? I still do not know as I am and was allowing it to simply happen, whatever the “it” might be. And maybe that is a passive aggressive mistake. I must say what I want clearly and let the consequences to my spoken desires be what they are. But my vulnerability here is still that possibility of rejection, as it is anytime you lay out clearly what you want, what you expect. Wait, that is not entirely true about last night. I never really thought she would reject me, but rather worried she would find me lacking in what I offered to her. I thought perhaps the exchange would not be enough. But as I never began I do not know the answers to the jumble of self-imposed what-if questions.

If I say on your knees and worship my toes and it is done without enthusiasm, is that worse than it being refused? If I say kiss me and the order is complied with but the kiss is unwanted, is that something I want? If I take a paddle or a whip or my hand to a bottom and it does not bring any pleasure with the pain to the one enduring, is there any point to the exchange? And if I say do this _________ and this _________ is refused why would I ever ask again? None of this happened last night because I never took the steps to even see, I think now that was a mistake. But then in the moment I didn't see clearly another option. Mostly, lack of real experience. And so I ask you to be gentle with your criticisms (constructive and otherwise).

There is a chaos to my thoughts obviously. I can see this as I write. You can see that chaos as you read them here and I can imagine you sitting there shaking your head in amusing wonder at my lack of confidence. A dominant woman must dominate. Just as there is a a cause and effect to a submissive's refusal to submit, so too is there a cause and effect to a dominant not dominating. There will always be consequences to all we do and all we do not do.

Stream of consciousness is just that, a stream. The thoughts roil and tumble over the rocks of worry, the eddies of self-doubt. They sometimes speed up when considering the what-ifs and the should-haves, but too they can pool and stagnate when considering all the possibilities, good and bad, and all the lost opportunities.

There is a time and place for all things. But sometimes you miss seeing that the time was that exact moment and the place was exactly where you were. There is always cause and effect to action and inaction.

A dominant women must dominate or....

I will leave it unfinished as it is just to frustrating in this moment to consider the rest of that sentence.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Three Sirens

Three sirens... sounds like the perfect number.

So looking forward to the weekend.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Toes Hard at Work

Well, okay, I did slip my shoes off and put my feet up before starting the next project, but really I am working hard here. I was on the phone solving very important work problems (boss couldn't figure out how to attach a file to an email...sighhhhh).

Got a fresh pedicure last night. I thought this shade of deep purplely red was pretty. Even in these tough economic times I just can't seem to give up my pedicures. Well, I did trim back a bit and just get the standard treatment, not the complete spa package. Oh, the sacrifices a girl must make.... food... pedicure... hmmmm, touch decisions.

Tonight is Third Thursday, YEA!! So looking forward to seeing my naughty friends and maybe making some new ones. Then maybe a bit of play this weekend in L.A. We will see if it all comes to pass, but it is fun to be open to the possibilities.

What do you have planned for the weekend?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

HNT - Art

When I am trying to be creative and share that creativity with others, that is when I feel most vulnerable and exposed... nekkid if you will. This was the creation of sebrina's painting from previous posts, but this one includes the artist as well. It is only an arm, a hand holding a pencil, but right now it feels very naked.


A Short Story from asyourslave

At 6:15pm I was exactly where Miss Honey told me to be - naked, kneeling on the floor of the hotel room. In my ass was the medium red butt plug she told me buy and I was also wearing the black silicon teardrop cockring.

Miss Honey was very specific in her instructions. We would meet for no more than 30 minutes. I was to arrive at the hotel and check in no later than noon. When I got to my room, I was to make sure I was completely naked with no watch or jewelry before the door to the hall closed. Lucky at noon, there was no one else in the hallway except a housekeeper several doors down. I was to remain naked except for the butt plug and the cockring until she arrived. At every hour starting at 1, I was to stroke my cock for 20 minutes but not cum. There was to be no TV or radio the entire time. When she arrived, there was to be a chilled bottle of sparkling fruit wine and a plate of strawberries. In order to avoid having room service see me naked, I brought a cooler with me with all the requested items. I choose a Canella Bellini hoping the peach flavor of the wine worked well with the chocolate dipped strawberries I brought. Miss Honey was also specific, there was to be only one glass as I was not going to have any of it. Finally, I was to have two leashes ready for her to take: one attached to a dog collar bought earlier and the other attached to my cock. If she found I had violated any of these rules she would leave and we would never chat again. I cherish those chats and was bound and determined I would not disappoint her.

At 6:30, I heard the door to the room open and the moment I had waited for these past months had arrived. I was going to meet the woman who had me do things I never thought I would do. She entered the room and I was immediately entranced. Her face showed beauty and strength. She was wearing a white blouse, unbuttoned enough that I could get a glimpse of the tops of her breasts. Framing her breasts was a strand of pearls that looped around her neck and fell gracefully down her front and disappeared in the blouse. The skirt was black, tight and ended at the top of her knees and her legs were delicately wrapped in black stockings that made me wonder if there was a garter belt under the skirt. Her shiny black leather shoes were ones that I will remember forever for two reasons. The first reason is because of the 5 inch heels that were gold and the second reason is because of what she did with them later that evening.

Before she approached me, she poured herself a glass of wine. As she walked over to where I was kneeling, I started to tremble. The plug in my ass, the cockring and all the edges had taken a toll on my nerves. When she stood in front of me, I offered her the leashes. She took the leash attached to my cock and led me to near the sofa. It was then she spoke for the first time. Her words were, as always concise and to the point, “Keep your eyes on my shoes until I tell you otherwise.” As she sat down and crossed her legs, I stared at the shoes and kept staring for what seemed like an eternity. What made matters more difficult was she played with my cock and balls with the tip of her shoes. She pressed the heels into my thigh and stomach, squashed my balls to the point where I thought I was going to pass out and she kept trying to flatten my cock with the sole of her shoes. No matter how much it hurt, I was living my dream and was determined to take whatever she wanted to do to me.

And then it happened. I made a mistake. She uncrossed her legs and I tried to steal a glance up her skirt and she caught me. She yanked the leashes and told me to turn around so that I was facing away from her. The tone of Miss Honey’s voice was something I had hoped to never hear from her. I was devastated – I thought I was about to lose something I cherished for a stupid adolescent attempt to catch a glance of her panties.

She instructed me to remove the butt plug and stick it in my mouth. I have never done that before but did not want to risk further upsetting her so as quickly as possible, I shoved the plug into my mouth and closed my lips around the narrow part of the neck of the plug. Once I had done that, I felt her heel invade my ass. She started to pump the heel in and out of my already tender and now burning ass. After a couple of pumps, she told me in a firm voice, “Stroke your cock but if you cum… we are done forever.” There I was, naked in a hotel room as Miss Honey fucked my ass with the hell of her shoe, sucking on a butt plug that had been in my ass for more than 5 ½ hours and stroking my cock. Miss Honey has made me masturbate many times before so she knew exactly how long it would take for me to cum. So after stroking for 5 minutes, she told me to turn around and face her but keep stroking my cock. When I did that, I was facing the same shoe that had been in my ass. She lifted my head and with a smile said, “Clean the heel now with your tongue.” I removed the butt plug and started to put it down and she yanked the chain again. “I didn’t tell you to put it down – it goes back in your ass.” Luckily there was enough saliva on the plug and my ass muscles had stretched to handle the plug all afternoon, I was able to get it back in with a little struggle. I will confess – it hurt doing that but I would not disappoint Miss Honey again.

With the plug in my ass, she instructed me to keep stroking my cock and start cleaning her shoe. After several minutes of cleaning she seemed to be satisfied. At this point, I didn’t care what I was doing – so what if I was licking a heel that been buried in my ass. It belonged to Miss Honey and that is what she wanted so I did it. When she could tell I was about to explode, once again she yanked the leashes. Her instructions were to cum on the tip of her shoe. If any missed her shoe, there would be severe punishment. I tried to brace myself and line up my cock with her foot and held my breath. Cumming was easy at this point and I got all of my cum on the tip of her shoe. Just as some was about to drip off, she said, “Lick it before any of it drops.” Eating my cum had never been an easy task for me until I met Miss Honey but under her guidance, I have learned to love it and I happily cleaned her shoe until there was no evidence of my orgasm. Once it was cleaned, she stood up and said, “You fucked up and tried to take something that wasn’t offered. I have decided that we will continue this relationship but expect very difficult tasks ahead as you will need to prove yourself to me.” With that she walked out the door, leaving me exhausted, scared and eager to learn what she had in mind.


I do so adore reading erotica, and a naughty story written just for me... well that just warms the cockles of my heart. If you enjoyed this, do let asyourslave know what a good boy he has been offering this for me. Oh, and I asked him for one picture to illustrate it. So do check back as that should be in my inbox in just a couple days... as soon as he decides which part he will provide. I just love creativity.

Oh... look... he sent me a picture of a cute little cock all leashed and ringed up just for me.

Beautiful Wood

It is not a playful sting. There is no mistaking its intent. You will ache when I am done. It is not for punishment though. Rather the pleasure I seek from your enduring, your offering of this acceptance. Give that to me. The curve there as you bend forward I will stroke there with my hand gently, you will push back ever so slightly at my soft touch. I will ask you in a mere whisper if you are ready. Will you nod or will you offer me back a yes that is breathless as it escapes from your lips? Your heart will race and so will mine. Again I will caress your skin, again I will let you feel my hand before I bring this beautifully crafted wood down against you. Make no mistake in thinking it will not hurt. It will. You will. Give this to me. Accept this from me. Ache for me and I will bring you pleasure in return for the offering, for the enduring, for the submitting to my will.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Monday, February 9, 2009

BDSM Basics

This was written by a good friend of mine, Tachtilex. It has some great information and is well laid out. If you have any questions you may ask here and I will pass them on to him. This is not presented as the end all be all of BDSM, but his offerings to those beginning this journey as a way to share his knowledge learned after 20+ years of sharing in this lifestyle.

Chapter One: Why?

Because it is fun, because it feels good, and because for some folks it is a profound experience, even spiritual.

Chapter Two: Basic Terms

BDSM -- Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism. This is the overarching category that encompasses a multitude of different, related styles of sexual expression.

B - Bondage -- just what it implies. The restraining of one person by the other, almost always using restraints such as rope, chains, handcuffs, straps, etc. Bondage by itself does not imply either pain or sexual activity. Most players see it as an art form in its own right. Bondage is everything from a bandanna wrapped around the eyes to full encasement in a mummy wrap. It is as simple as a pair of handcuffs holding the bottom’s hands behind their back, and a elaborate as full Japanese rope bondage. Bondage can be an incredible sexual turn-on for the top and/or the bottom even without any other stimulation.
D - Discipline -- 1. Mental. In an SM relationship, it is the control that the Top (S) has over the bottom (m). In a relationship or in a scene this control is first of all mutually agreed upon, and secondly an attitude of both persons. The bottom will submit, and will do as the Top directs or commands, both because it pleases the Top, and because it satisfies the bottom. This does not imply that the bottom is always passive or wimpy. Thus, definition 2: Physical. Discipline is that part of the application of pain, pleasure, restraint, etc. by which the Top exercises control over the bottom. In relationships where the Top actually is stronger than the bottom, this might involve actually physically controlling the bottom, such as through wrestling, boxing, etc. In cases where that would be impractical, the Top exercises the authority that the relationship or scene grants them to “force” the bottom through the use of bondage/restraint and pain/pleasure.
S - Sadism, Sadist. From the Marquis de Sade, although his version was far from consensual. In a relationship or scene, this is the person who (actually or after prior discussion) makes the decisions about what is going to happen. This is the dominant person, the giver of pain and pleasure, the conductor of the symphony. Other terms for this person include Top, Dom, Dominatrix, Sir, Master/Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, etc.
M (m) - Masochist. The original meaning is one who enjoys pain, usually as an avenue to sexual pleasure. It has come to be the person in the relationship or scene who takes the subordinate role. Except in relationships or scenes where it mutually agreed upon, the M is not actually passive, but is a true partner in creating the scene. Just as a violinist needs a violin to make music, so an S needs an M to make magic. Other terms are Sub, bottom, slave, boy, etc. As with the terms for the S, these terms are not totally interchangeable. I use Top and Bottom generically, but other terms such as Mistress/Slave may be specific to the individual relationship or scene. It is entirely possible to have either a long-term relationship or a single scene without any reference to Master-Slave, or even (overtly) to Top-bottom. It is the dynamic of Your relationship that is important. How you want to characterize it is up to you.

Scene - “are you in the scene?” Do you participate in BDSM?
A specific time of BDSM play. In this sense, a scene has a beginning, middle and an end.

Begining - The beginning is when the participants establish their desires, fears, any safe words, and what is permissible. Conversation about safer sex happens (assuming that the participants are not already in a relationship where this has been dealt with.) At the Top’s discretion, discussion may turn to the specifics of what is to happen. Sometimes this can be very erotic on its own; however, it is not the bottom’s job to direct the action. (See “Pushy Bottom!” It is the bottom’s job to be as good of a “violin” as possible, being responsive to what the Top is doing, giving verbal or non-verbal feedback so that the Top knows the effect of what they are doing.

The Middle - of the scene is when the major action occurs -- beginning with any stimulation prior to restraint, continuing with any restraint/bondage segueing into whatever forms of stimulation and sexual play.

The End - of the scene is where the Top helps the bottom “come down.” The physical needs of the bottom are attended to: water, warmth or cool as needed, release from the bondage, physical and emotional support until they are recovered. A good scene can totally wipe out and disorient the bottom, and they may need to be actually physically cared for for some time after the scene. Emotional care also can be important, holding, telling the bottom how proud you are of them, etc. This is all relative to the bottom’s needs, of course. Most often, the bottom springs up from the scene, rejuvenated, happy and ready to go again!

Some other related terms are Session, Play, Appointment, action.

SSC -- Safe, Sane, Consensual. Good sex, good play, good BDSM are Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Safety involves eliminating or greatly reducing the possibility of transferring diseases, using safer practices for bondage and for application of pain, etc. Sane refers to both parties being able to think clearly, knowing any limits of both parties, using safe words if needed, etc. Consensual refers not only to both parties entering into the play freely, but also refers to the ability of either to end the scene if they need to. Obviously, it also refers to both parties being competent adults not under any coercion.

Chapter Three: Pain or Pleasure?

By this point you might have figured out that there is much more to this than just hitting someone. In fact there are lots of people into BDSM for whom pain is almost not a factor in their play. They enjoy bondage/restraint for its own sake, or they concentrate on the pleasurable aspects of stimulation.
But, that is not the whole story. Pain itself is multifaceted. Think about the differences between a paper cut, a burn, a slap, getting punched in the gut (lightly or hard), getting scraped with fine or coarse sand paper, having a ruler lightly tap your shin for ten minutes, or having that same ruler slap your butt hard once. Pain is not one thing. Rather, it is any stimulus of the skin or body that the brain at first interprets as unpleasant, as something to be avoided. One of the great uses of pain in BDSM is to confuse the brain, to over-stimulate it so that endorphins are produced, and to intensify the related sensations of pleasure that are also being administered to the body at the same time. (This is also one of the key reasons for restraint: to keep the body open to the pain until it does its work.) This can be accomplished just as well with a stiff brush lightly played on the nipples as with a paddle bruising the buttocks. It is up to the Top to read the bottom, seeing how he or she reacts to different stimuli.
Because one of the key uses of pain is to release endorphins, the bottom’s ability to tolerate pain increases as the scene progresses. A painful stimulus that would have ended the scene in the first five minutes may be just what the bottom needs after 20 minutes to push them over the top into orgasm.
There is the interesting related phenomenon that the right pain applied along with the right pleasure really heightens the pleasure, just as a little salt heightens the sweetness of sugar.
Pain is not always about pleasure. Sometimes it simply is about pain. Sometimes the Top uses pain as a discipline device (especially in long-term master/slave relationships). Sometimes the bottom needs to find their breaking point. Sometimes the bottom and/or the Top wants to go for endurance simply because it will be pleasing to the Top, and/or a mark of pride for the bottom.
And there is that outer reach where pain causes complete release for the bottom. The endorphins have so flooded the body, the control of the Top is so complete that the bottom has an out-of-body experience. I have never achieved this, but I have come very close. I do not recommend that novices try to find this place without supervision of experienced players. The bottom loses the ability to use safe words, loses the consciousness of sensations that might be signaling danger, loses the ability to care for themselves. The Top becomes so excited by what they are helping the bottom accomplish that they might lose good judgment. A Top should never lose control. Any physical (and in most cases, mental or emotional) injury to the bottom is the Top’s responsibility. This is why alcohol is to be used only in strict moderation.

Chapter Four: Etiquette

In the privacy of a scene, etiquette is whatever turns the Top on. If the Top really gets off on the bottom standing with their hands behind their back and their head bowed, then that is the posture to be assumed by the bottom. If the Top wants to be called “Daddy”, “Mistress” etc., that is how they will be addressed. In other words, in the scene or play session, etiquette is another part of the scene or session.
However, there are larger issues of etiquette when one is in a group environment. When one attends a play party, whether at a club or a private home, there are certain rules.

  • Obey all stated or written rules explicitly, even if you don’t at first understand them. Your host or the dungeon master will be happy to explain them to you if you don’t understand.
  • When you are observing the play of others, be discrete, quiet, and do not interfere with the play unless the Top invites you to join. If you are invited to join, follow their lead, adopt a demeanor that either matches or complements theirs. Be slow to speak and quick to listen and be helpful. In one sense when you enter someone else’s scene, you should see yourself as another toy or tool that the Top can use to make the magic happen with the bottom. Be aware that this scene may have emotional, mental, or relational overtones that are not at first apparent to the outside observer. Be sensitive to that, and try to enhance it rather than “break the spell.”
  • Casual conversation is for the break room or refreshment area. Keep all chatter out of the dungeon. Quiet whispers to another observer are ok as long as they don’t become distracting. Talk that is actually part of the scene is ok, especially if you are directly following the Top’s lead. Follow the lead of the seasoned players in this. Discretion is always a mark of good breeding.
  • If there is a dungeon master, their word is law. (In a small party without a dungeon master, the host’s word is law.) In a small gathering, this person’s identity will be acknowledged at the beginning of the evening. In a larger club, they will often wear identification: a vest or an ID tag of some kind. Their job is to see to the fun and SAFETY of all participants. If you disagree with their decision, do not argue with them in the dungeon. Rather, wait and discuss it with them or with your host outside the dungeon. Likewise, if you observe behavior that appears to you to be dangerous or inappropriate, it is a good thing to ask the dungeon master to look into it. He or she will be able both to determine if there is a problem, and to see that it is corrected. If there is no dungeon master, your host will be the arbiter of these issues. Unless there is a real emergency, no guest should interfere in the play of other guests without express invitation.
  • DO ask questions and learn! Most players (both Top and bottom) have a wealth of good information to share, and are honored to be asked. If you saw a beautiful rope harness, ask the person to show you the way to build it. They may or may not wish to do it that evening, but it might open a relationship for you that will have broader possibilities in the future.
  • Do ask other players to have a scene with you.
    If you see someone who interests you, it is permissible to speak to them in the break area and plainly ask them for a scene.
  • Do not approach the bottom in a relationship except through the Top. Normally, this does not apply to casual conversation in the break area. In that setting, the bottom and/or the Top will guide you in what that bottom is permitted to say or do with persons other than their Top. It is always good manners to ask the Top’s permission before conversing with their bottom. And note, this has nothing to do with your perceived role. Just because you are topping you partner at the party, that does not give you the right to top anyone else without their Top’s permission or to act arrogantly towards bottoms. Oftentimes, the most knowledgeable, experienced players in the room will be the bottoms!
  • Unattached players at a party or club are free agents and may be spoken to freely. However, if you are interested in talking with someone who appears to be submissive, even if you haven’t noticed their Top being present, it is polite to ask if they are free to converse with you.
  • When you attend a party as the bottom in a couple, you need to know from your Top how they want you to act, but generally it is assumed that submissives will be deferential to all other persons in the party, especially Tops. This does not mean that they must be passive, or that they must accept unacceptable behavior from others.
  • Top and Bottom roles are as fluid at a party as the couple decides they are. Just because you are submissive to your Top, that does not mean that you cannot Top another player at the party for a scene, as long as you have your Top’s permission. Likewise, just because you are sporting your keys and hankies on the left, that doesn’t mean that you can’t strip down and submit to the beautiful or handsome Top whose work you admire. Tops learn the most about their craft by being bottoms!! And, a great bottom might also be a GREAT Top for you to experience and learn from!
  • When hooking up with someone for a scene, good manners as well as SSC requires a bit of conversation. If it is not clear who will be the bottom, that is a good place to start. Then the conversation can quickly turn to what sort of play the scene will involve, the desires of both parties, etc. There should definitely be clear communication about safer sex practices. The best practice in a casual encounter is to refrain from the exchange of any body fluids at all. Then, down the safety continuum, there is the question of condoms, etc. Then each person needs to have the opportunity to state any limits that must be respected, and any desires that might be fulfilled. In many cases, it is good to have safe words. Many people use Red, Yellow and Green. Red means, “we have to stop NOW”. Yellow means, “there is something that seems dangerous that needs your attention now” or “I’m approaching a limit that you need to recognize.” “Green” is often not used, unless the Top tells you to respond with it when asked how you are doing. It does not necessarily mean that you are flying on the gossamer wings of ecstasy. Rather, it means that there are no problems that need to be addressed. If the bottom is gagged, a good alternative is to have them hold something. If they drop it, that is a signal that they need to communicate with the top.

Chapter Five: What Is Possible?

Practically speaking, almost anything is possible in a BDSM play session or in a relationship.

BDSM goes from stroking a person’s cheek with a feather to branding them with a hot iron. It stretches from a demure downward glance in a restaurant as a sign of respectful subservience to being encased in a rubber suit and paraded around on a leash.

BDSM is:

  • Tickling the bottom until they piss themselves.
  • Restraining them spread-eagle on the bed, and using all manner of tactile toys to give them a body orgasm without ever touching their genitals.
  • A blindfold, and feeding them supper while they keep their hands in their lap, or restrained to their sides.
  • Flogging, caning, slapping, punching, clothespinning, frittage (rubbing, either for pain or pleasure), forced urine retention, wax play, painful bondage.
  • Bondagebondagebondage!!! (but not always!)
  • Playing with the genitals until orgasm is almost reached, then stopping, then starting again.
  • A juicy ice-cube rubbed over the belly.
  • Role-play: doctor or nurse, police officer, school teacher, doggy play, alien, Nazi interrogation, etc.
  • “super-skins.” Rubber, leather, canvas, or any other special clothing that restricts, intensifies the skin’s sensitivity, or stimulates one or both partners through sight, sound, touch, taste or smell.
  • “Gear” whether football pads, a lacy camisole, leather restraints, a gas mask, whips or any other toy or piece of clothing or equipment.
  • Clothespins everywhere!

BDSM is not:

  • Coercive (except in a fantasy sense during a scene).
  • Excessively dangerous.
  • One-sided.

Chapter Six: Some Specific Techniques

Bondage: I am not an expert on rope bondage. My preference is for straps.
Six-foot straps are a good general length. The black webbing Danny bought is 24 feet, and you have four buckles. Cut the straps into four 6-foot sections (or alternatively, make two 7-footers and two 5-footers). Heat-seal the cut ends of the straps before continuing. Examine the buckles to determine which way is “up”. The small part of the buckle is permanently attached to the strap, by running the strap through the slot so that when about 2 inches of it are folded back over the main part of the strap, it will be away from the body being held by the strap. Use strong thread and sew the 2-inch flap down using a box and X pattern for strength. Of course, the strap is then fed through the slots on the other half of the buckle in such a way that it is adjustable, but holds securely.
A good, quick way to restrain a person to a bed without anything but straps is to run one strap around their biceps, but behind their back, so that they cannot bring their arms forward (you can run the strap clear around their body, but then be aware that they will be able to move their arms more), then do likewise with their wrists, but take one or two extra loops around the wrists before closing the buckle and adjusting the strap to hold the hands down at their side. Then lay the person down on the bed, spread their legs, and use the other two straps to secure each leg to one post or leg of the bed, wrapping one loop around each ankle. There you have a person who cannot get away, can only squirm, and, if you sit on them, can’t even pull away from you.
When you use straps, be mindful of buckle placement for two reasons. First, the bottom’s comfort. A buckle quickly becomes unbearable if it is pressing on a joint or bony place. Move the strap till the buckle is off to the side of the bottom if possible, or keep it centered over the body in fleshy areas. Also, be aware that some parts of the body have very little natural padding, such as the shins and the shoulder bones. In these areas, it is good to place a little padding before using a tight strap. An athletic sock doubled over, or a small piece of foam rubber are both good, inexpensive pads.
Handcuffs and leg-cuffs. Great for play! Great for fantasy. But, always know where the key is before you apply them (and make sure they function properly. They do stick sometimes!)
Especially if you are going to have the bottom lying down, be very careful about the placement of cuffs, as they are extremely uncomfortable to lie on. Always double-lock the cuffs so that they cannot get tighter. Most models have a small hole on the side with a recessed button in it. Push this button in with the corresponding extension on the key. (Some Smith & Wesson cuffs have an oblong hole next to the keyhole, with a little straight wire running through it. To double-lock them, put the double-locking point of the key in that oblong hole and slide the wire until the cuff is double-locked.) To unlock double-locked cuffs, insert the key in the keyhole, and first turn the key in the direction that pushes the button back out, then turn the key the other way to unlock the cuff.
Be aware that it is very easy to cause nerve damage to a person’s wrists by overusing, or over tightening, or placing weight upon, or pulling on handcuffs. They are not designed to do anything except keep a person from moving their hands too far.
Absolutely NEVER suspend a person from hand- or leg-cuffs, or use the cuffs to stretch the arms out in a tight spread-eagle. All these cautions go double for zip-ties!! And if you are going to use zip-ties for anything, make sure you have a cutter handy.
Leather or medical restraints are much more forgiving, and there are specialty restraints made for suspension. Do not attempt any kind of suspension on your own at first. Have a more experienced player standing by to help. And be aware that if the bottom passes out, you will have to be able to get them down as a dead weight. There are “panic releases” that can be used with chain and rope to drop a person in suspension if necessary.
It is possible to find all manner of restraints, either locking or not, in all price ranges. Try them on before you buy. Some are more comfortable, and some are highly erotic to wear. Also, cheap ones do tend to wear out quickly, while expensive ones from reputable dealers tend to last forever.
Safety: Even the most comfortable bondage position can become problematic. Especially if you have the arms stretched out in some way, periodically check the extremities for warmth and good color. Ask whether the bottom is experiencing discomfort such as cold hands or feet, tingling or numbness. Usually, as simple adjustment of a single strap or restraint is all that is needed, if the initial setup was not too extreme. Be aware that if the hands are over the head (whether lying down, or upright) they are more prone to problems. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use this position, only that you need to be more mindful of monitoring.
Straps loosen and need to be tightened periodically during the scene. On the other hand, restraints that are tight won’t become a problem immediately, so you should check in with the bottom after five or ten minutes about problems with the restraints. It is the bottom’s responsibility to make the top aware of any health or safety concerns.
NEVER choke a person, either by hand or by placing anything around or over their throat. Some advanced players do breath-control of several types, but that is a specialized and potentially very dangerous area of play. Use great caution, and NEVER allow any restraint to press on the bottom’s throat. In fact, it is a good idea to have basic first-aid and CPR training if you are going to engage in BDSM.
Other types of bondage include chains and manacles, rope, straitjackets, cages, specialty furniture of all types, and mummification. I can make suggestions on each of these, but if you want information, please ask.

Cleanup: The basics are:

  • old terrycloth towels for general cleaning, as well as bath-size for laying over the bottom at the end of the scene to keep them warm and dry them off
  • paper towels
  • 70 % rubbing alcohol in a spray bottle for general cleaning and disinfecting. This is also useful if the bottom becomes overheated. Spray and blow.
  • Hydrogen peroxide in a spray bottle. This is used both for cleaning any cuts or scrapes. It is also used for cleaning any leather that may have gotten body fluids on it. Generally, a quick spray with peroxide followed by a wipe with a towel will not damage leather.
  • Floggers, especially need to be cleaned thoroughly with HP between uses. Hang or hold the flogger with the tails hanging down. Spray the HP through the tails, turning and combing them to get them all damp. Anywhere that there is any organic material such as blood, there will be foaming. Then wipe the tails down thoroughly with a terrycloth towel and let the flogger dry hanging tails-down. Straighten and arrange them before they dry.
  • Simple Green in a spray bottle. Good for cleaning any naugahyde or vinyl surfaces. For best results, wipe off with a damp towel.
  • 10 percent Chlorine bleach solution in a spray bottle. Good for cleaning any gags or other “personal” items. Any items placed in orifices other than the mouth should be “single-person” items. At the very least they should be cleaned thoroughly with simple green or alcohol, then soaked in a bucket of 10 percent Chlorine Bleach solution (1 part standard chlorine bleach to 10 parts water) for about a half hour or so. Any insertable toy that is porous or with cracks or places where dirt can hide should absolutely be “single-person” items.
  • To clean tactile toys, spray with the appropriate cleaner (chlorine, alcohol, or hydrogen peroxide), let it sit for a bit, then wipe dry with a clean towel or paper towel. You should clean all toys between players, especially anything that could cut or damage the skin.
  • If they become contaminated, and periodically, it is good to wash your straps. Put them in a small laundry bag and throw them into the laundry.
  • Leather items should be clean and dry before storage. This includes clothing as well as gear and toys. Mildew is impossible to really remove from leather. Likewise any other restraints that might mildew, especially anything of canvas.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


I have spent most of my weekend working on a painting for my friends Sebrina and Master Ron. We had a lovely evening at their home on Thursday night where I took a series of photos of the beautiful Sebrina for reference for the painting. After much discussion and review of the images it came down to two. I printed them both out and picked one to work with.

I was so beyond nervous to even begin the portrait of her. The thought that this might turn out badly was a thought that was hard to push down. But finally I just began. I lightly sketched the outline and began to paint. I kept getting up from the paper and paint walking away to try and steady myself. I just didn't want to screw it up. I avoided her face for over an hour. Focusing instead on her legs and arms. She wore a beautiful leather corset when I photographed her and capturing the depth of the black leather was a challenge. I started with a wash of indigo blue and layered on black in sections leaving the blue still showing.

At some point I knew I had to work on her face. But this is a moment that is scary for me. Capturing what someone looks like is a bit overwhelming. I really was worried I would end up with a portrait of Charlie Brown, rather than the beautiful Sebrina. But I took my time, and she began to emerge.

I will save the final finished portrait for another post as I want Sebrina to see it first. But I think I captured her serenity and her lovely submission for her and her Master. At least I did my very best, and hope they like it.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

HNT - Socks

If I did this right, the back view is clickable...

Monday, February 2, 2009

Five Questions

1. How and how soon did you know you would be the dominant one in any relationship?
Well now, here is an interesting question to start with. I never thought about it until I started exploring things online. I have always been drawn to the kinkier side of sex when looking online or in magazines, or porn that Hubby would bring home. But until I tried my hand I didn’t realize that I liked to be offered the service, the giving, the submission of others in this way. I am happier when those who are with me offer this. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but I suppose I never considered chivalry to be dead. I know there is a line between kindness and submission, but it has to start somewhere and, for me, it has to be offered from the heart.

2. Have you ever experienced been dominated? If so how did it feel?
Early on I joined an online chat group where I had been made a choice about what category I would be in and dominant seemed to be for me. But I thought perhaps I might explore the other side. I thought it might be good to try and step in those shoes as part of the learning process. So I created a second account with the screen name DaisyChained (which I still think is too cute). Within a half hour I realized it was not for me… at all. The first exchange had my shoulders up and my jaw clenched. Who the hell did this guy think he was?! But I also knew enough to know that personality is a huge part of it. So I gave it a day, and by the end… not just no, but Hell NO!

Now, that said, I can enjoy the physical exchange with my partners in real life that some would consider as me submitting. I can allow myself to be blindfolded, I love to talk dirty and having someone guide my actions with verbal stimulation can be very erotic. But that isn’t dominating me, but rather sharing a sensual experience with a partner I trust completely and when I offer that it is my choice and a gift I give. I am not giving up control, but rather exchanging passion.

3. Do you harbor any fantasies that you would not like to be realized?
No, I am eager to explore many possibilities in the erotic life. For that matter in vanilla, chocolate, and caramel life as well. Life is meant to be lived, and if something seems interesting enough to consider it a possibility, a fantasy, then I would like to give it a try. Now, that said, there are many things I do not fantasize about. But while I may not want to try something, or may not find it personally a turn on, I can most often find it beautiful that others do, assuming it is a consensual exchange. Recently I was a part of a real life scene that included needles and cutting. I was invited to observe closely the scene. Now this is something I never had any desire to try myself with a partner. But it was amazing to watch and to share their passion for it. It was Safe, Sane and Consensual and they were wonderful to share the experience with me. And it piqued my interest. Will I try? Depends on life and what it brings, but I try to never say never.

4. Apart from Blogs, what do you like to read?
I read a lot, I read a huge variety, I have piles and stacks and shelves of books all over my house. Classic literature, westerns, romance, sci-fi, erotica, contemporary fiction, memoir, biographies, poetry (I love poetry), I will read anything and everything. I love exchanging books too, a book recommended by a friend always goes to the top of the pile. About the only thing I don’t read a lot of is horror, only because I do tend to get absorbed into a book while I read and the tone of a tome can greatly effect my mood. So very depressing or scary can have a negative effect on me while I am reading. Though I will still read the dark stuff sometimes.

I also like magazines and have subscriptions to about a dozen different magazines, from National Geographic, Playboy, Sports Illustrated, The Sun and Better Homes & Gardens along with quite a few others. I also subscribe to several writing journals that offer short stories (love the art of a short story) and poetry.

5. What do you paint? (Apologies if you have posted your work. I have only recently found you.)
Thank you for asking. I wanted to learn to paint, always wanted to try watercolor as I always thought it was a beautiful medium. I took a one day en plain aire class and loved it. So I just tried and tried some more, read books, read and looked at lessons online, and just tried. Some times they work out, some times not. I paint anything right now as I am so still learning. Though I like landscapes, and nudes, and well... anything.

I also got involved in sharing my art with ATC (artist trading cards) which are little miniature paintings 2 ½ X 3 ½, the size of baseball cards. I was a member on a site where you would post a scan of your art and others would offer to trade you their art. My little bits of creativity now live all over the world and I have a lovely small box of their original art in exchange.

I tend to jump into things with both feet and learn how to swim once I am in the water.


I love these questions Alfie of Alfie Love Emma fame asked of me.

This fun bit of sharing works like this...
1. The first Blogger to say in my comments box, “Ask me” will (eventually) be asked just five questions.
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions - so make sure I have an email address for you if it doesn’t appear on your Blog. I get to choose the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to those questions.
4. In the same post, you will include this explanation and make an offer to interview someone else .
5. When someone comments asking to be interviewed, you get to ask them five questions.