Painful Questions & Answers

A friend, Dimas, asked to interview me for an assignment he had. And while I don't know everything there is to know (does anyone?... well if they say they do... run... very fast in the opposite direction). I do try and answer any question posed to me regarding this life we share as openly, honestly and with as much common sense as the question demands. Just as a reminder I share online in most of my D/s interactions so my answers to his question are colored with that pen.

I appreciate that someone seeks out my opinion, and remember that is all it is... my opinion. If you have something to offer or add to this discussion. Please, feel free to comment with your two and one half cents.

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1 What first prompted you to enter into Bdsm?

Miss Honey: Playing as a child I was always trying to get the other kids to do naughty things. I love sex and sexuality. I love power of being wanted. When I began reading erotica it was the stories of domination and submission that always aroused me. When I found the internet had even more stories available … wow… to indulge in all those fantasies and explore such kinky ideas was so nice. I belonged to several different chat sites for a while and enjoyed the interaction there, then the Academy and now I have my online subs and friends to explore this all with. Next step, I am always open to new ideas and new ways to explore.

Dimas089: ok so it was something from your childhood that helped your grow into the sweet Domme you are today?

Miss Honey: lol... I think I had kinky naughty tastes from an early age. I think my hyper-empathy that I found stressful as a child in a dysfunctional family found expression in getting people to express and do what they desired deep down. I feel like people have always opened up to me... and if that opening involved a sexual bent that was arousing to me... I never minded exploring that what turns someone else on turns me on.


2 Why did you make the choice to be Dominate?

Miss Honey: Hmmmm… choice… implies I had another option. Which I never felt I did. I tried exploring submission for a very short time. I had a screen name of DaisyChained which I thought was too cute. But every time some Dom approached me online and tried to order me about… oh… just wanted to tell him to get fucked or pound sand or take a hike… or some other metaphor. So I quickly and emphatically came to the realization that to share in this lifestyle I am a Dominant.

Dimas089: Okay, so it was an ingrained thing in you just what you are. But do you think that if you had willingly given yourself to a Dom and not just some random guy that ordered you to do something but where there was trust between you two do you think you might have ended up as a switch like I did?

Miss Honey: No!…. that said... the occasional smack on the ass in my real life doesn't bother me but it isn't submission... it is just fun and sharing the physical intimacy of a couple.


3 As a Mistress How does pain figure into your approach to your tasks or orders?

Miss Honey: What turns someone else on turns me on. Have I said that before? But it works. Sometimes what turns them on is to simply give me control… of anything I want. Sometime I want them to suffer a bit for me. To endure and to offer that to me is submission. Sometimes it is the pain that arouses someone. And there are so many levels to that. A soft caressing spanking that barely stings, a full blown caning and everything in-between. I would share in any of this if it was what the person I was with desired to share with me. In creating open tasks I have tried to explore many levels and kinks so that there is a variety of ways to interact with me. Do I think every task I create is for every person, good lord no. It is like ice cream. Some like chocolate, some rainbow sherbet, some something even more exotic… I will never judge a person’s ice cream choice or their desires in this lifestyle as long as it is consensual and legal.

Dimas089: Okay, so for you to give pain it is more because they want it or they have given you that control and you wish it mo matter what the level? It’s not a sadist streak personal I have that sadist streak in me lol

Miss Honey: I don't really desire to hurt people for the sake of hurting them. I like to share pain as an offering and a submissive enduring.


4 Do you ever regret to give pain even if the person desires it?

Miss Honey: I would feel horrible if a person was ever truly hurt, in some permanent or scarring way. Oh… that would be terrible. But I can’t imagine that happening with me as I would never let things get that far. Safe and Sane apply to me as well as the sub I am sharing with. Now a little bruise, sore for a few days… those are reminders of what we shared or who has the control. That I don’t mind a bit if the pain was consensual.

Dimas089: Okay, I think that answers the question fully Mistress. And I wasn't thinking of the actually hurt I’m always referring to the pain in play, when I person get the pain form being hurt that’s not what I mean that to me is being hurt and no playing.

Miss Honey: Then no, I don't regret pain given if the person desires it.


5 How do you help your submissive get through pain?

Miss Honey: Open, honest communication is what I demand always. I make myself available via, PM, Email and chat. I am online all the time. If I was sharing with someone in the immediate there is a constant give and take, an exchange of words and emotions. That said, I do believe it is the person who I am sharing with’s responsibility to express all they are feeling both physically and emotionally. In this online environment it is necessary in the extreme to communicate. If I was giving pain to someone real life then you have so many more body cues and ways to communicate than just verbal so things would be adjusted. If I have pain as an element in a task… well… again… I am available online in many ways for a sub to seek me out should they need support. And I always try to say… ARE YOU OK… I think these are such important words to ask. And often forgotten in the heat of the moment. I think a dominant should ask this several time during any play. While it may break the moment… it is sometimes necessary to make the submissive responsible for their own selves.

Dimas089: Okay, but than that also opens up that it’s the Dominates reasonability to make sure they are prepared are there anyway you help your own subs to prepare for the pain?

Miss Honey: Not sure I understand the question.

Dimas089: Okay, well take marie. Say you tell her to spank herself until she is red assed and slightly welted...........say she wanted this and wanted you to help her through it.........hypothetical situation. How would you prepare her before you have her do it to help her get thro that pain.

Miss Honey: Stroking mentally... telling how much it pleases me for her to take this for me... how proud I am that she wants to offer this to me. Of course marie responds well to this kind of thing... she wants to be a good girl and so desires to please... so I have to take care not to push her to a point where she is being harmed... and that is where the ongoing communication comes in.

Dimas089: I understand your approach now. It is an interesting one and communication is decently key in it.

Miss Honey: Yes, for me it is. Now I realize that at the Academy an open task that involves pain that is a bit trickier.

Dimas089: Yes it is.

Miss Honey: But I don't really ask for anything there that is monumentally difficult to accomplish... pain wise.

Dimas089: But as you said there are ways to contact you.

Miss Honey: Yes, exactly.


6 How do you deal with pain?

Miss Honey: I am a sissy when it comes to being hurt. Paper cut and I will whine for a day. PMS oh good lord get me three pills. Sometimes during good hard, rough sex though… well I might let you bite there… pinch here… smack there… but I have to be in the mood, and again that isn’t about submission but about fun and erotic sensations.
Miss Honey: that was what you meant by the question right?

Dimas089: Yes, I thought you might have a technique or two that you use for it.

Miss Honey: Yes... avoid it.

Dimas089: As for the sex that is the endorphins running thro your body that make it a highly pleasurable experience.

Miss Honey: Yes... it is different then and even then... I don't really want to be hurt... just a tiny ache

Dimas089: Yes it is and that’s what the subs try to get during play if I understand it right in my research.

Miss Honey: Some yes... some it is more about submission... not about any kind of physical pleasure.

Dimas089: Very true


7 Do you think it’s better if the Dominant experiences the same type of pain as the sub? By this I mean the Dominant has had some experience in this type of pain in their past and knows what the sub is going through.

Miss Honey: Do I think it is better… sure… it can only help to understand what you are offering. That said… everyone comes to the dance with different tolerances and different desires. So while I can not imagine allowing a whip to any part of my body, a paddle on any delicate girl parts… some crave it and want it. Should I deny that simply because I believe it to be beyond endurable? Exploration in small steps should someone be trying something new I think is better. For if I say no… that will hurt you too much… I am passing false judgment on what they may really desire. So begin easy… and build up and never stop communicating. Hmmm… common thread here. Communication is always key.